A quiet man in his mid 60’s was sitting on my exam table. He told me that no one knew how his wife died. An autopsy was not performed after the car accident. I asked if there were skid marks on the road. He said there were none. That is when I explained to him that something made her go off the road. If there were no skid marks, she was not avoiding another vehicle or a deer. After questioning him about her medical history, it appeared she could have suffered a heart attack. So I told him if she was sitting in their living room watching TV, that same heart attack could have taken her life just as easily. He needed to know this, as he could not stop thinking that he should have been in the car with her to prevent the accident. There I was having déjà vu again. Fortunately, it had been years since I lost Rodger, so a simple deep breath brought me back to the present moment.
Besides giving the man his prescription to help him sleep, I shared my story with him and gave him advice on how to do his grief work. You will find this advice in Part III of this book. He decided to make me his primary care provider, since we had shared such an intimate conversation about our similar losses. Just eleven months later, he was sitting in my office, having his blood pressure check up, when he told me this, “Marguerite, in one month it will be a year since my wife passed away. I want you to know I feel absolutely fantastic!” Absolutely fantastic? Not “better” or “OK” but “fantastic”? This is when I realized I had a gift. I had a way to help others heal and move on with their lives. It was then I knew that God was asking me to write this book!
Read on to learn ways that you can assist yourself in your healing, after losing your loved one.